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Draga moja, u višeženstvu je spas!

Autor: Avad el-Mehdavi
Preveo: Amir Durmić

Zabrinut zbog mnoštva usidjelica koje starost dočekaše bez poroda i muške skrbi, očajni muž svojoj supruzi predlaže praktično rješenje i kaže: “U višeženstvu je spas!” Na njegovo veliko čuđenje, supruga ne samo da usplahireno odobrava i podržava njegovu ideju već se velikodušno nudi da mu istog trenutka ode isprositi nevjestu. Kako je među supružnicima tekao dijalog i ko je na kraju izvukao deblji kraj, prosudite sami:

Mjesečina u noći, supružnici sjede,
suptilno čavrljaju, mudžeddera[1] se jede.

Muž u šali reče svojoj dragoj ženi:
”Vidim da si razborita, insan prosv’jećeni!

Neudatih žena mnogo, svuda oko nas
opasna je to nevolja, treba tražit’ spas!

Kreativno danas smislih kako problem r’ješiti,
dozvoli mi, mila moja, smijem li spomenuti?”

“Hajde, reci, dušice, čast si mi ukaz’o
jer se sa mnom savjetuješ, baš si se pokaz’o!

Sekira me neudatih što je mnogo žena,
žalosna sam, ogorčena, jadna i čemerna!”

Muž će ženi veselo: “Ljubičice draga,
tako zbori mudrica, za to treba snaga!”

 

Mužev prijedlog

“Kad bi ljudi pored prve još koju oženili
usidjelica ne bi bilo, problemi bi nestali!

Pristaneš li, žrtva bit ću i snage ću smoći,
primjer sv’jetli da budemo svima što će doći.

Dobrovoljno prihvatiš li nagrada je predivna,
oprostom ćeš svekolikim biti darovana!”

Tad se ona osmjehnu: “Prijatelju, pristajem,
ideja je tvoja divna, kako da je odbijem?!

Nevjestu ja spremnu imam, muža ona želi,
zaštitnika s kojim će dobro, zlo da d’jeli.

Svidi l’ ti se, već ću sutra otić’ je isprositi,
prije nego vakat prođe, mogla bi zakasniti!

Novac ona ne želi, mehr tačnije,
platit’ nećeš ništa sad, a ni kasnije!”

Muž naivni uzdahnu, reče ushićeno:
“Kakve bajne vrline! Pa to je predivno!”

 

Supruga opisuje buduću mladenku

“Nevjesta je nepokretna, koža joj je pretamna,
slabo vidi, haman sl’jepa, uz to još je nevjerna!

Nagluha je i bezuba, nigdje zupka nema,
proteza je zubna krasi, vel’ka, pregolema.

Njena kosa, mužu dragi, izgleda k’o žbunje,
raščupana, vlasi strše, nemoj da te zbune!

A nos joj je…” “Stani!”, (muž) zavrišta od muke,
“Nudiš li mladenku ili mezarluke?!”

Supružnici žestoko tad se posvađaše,
vatru rata do vrhunca oni rasplamsaše.

Usred noći tutnji, ustale su komšije,
trgnuli ih strašni krici, poput eksplozije.

Nebom leti pokućstvo, pršti na sve strane,
razni lonci i šerpe, tanjuri i tave,

čaše i ibrici, metla i sve ostalo,
prolomi se krik očaja: “Dosta, rospijo!”

               *****

Ujutro je “gazda” rano otiš’o na pos’o,
kao junak koji se ordenja nanos’o.

Posljedica nema osim ranice na glavi,
a i ruku desnu mor’o u zavoj da stavi.

Na oku mu l’jevom podljev, kao nasurmano,
a obrazi izgrebani, lice napuhano.

Zglobovi i kosti redom skoro popucale,
k’o da su ih gusjenice tenka izbrazdale

Društvu svome ponosno je ispričao priču
polomio strašnu zv’jer je, shrv’o je u klinču.

Drugovi se slatko smiju, stvari su im jasne:
“Teško ti se, šta uradi od muškosti krasne!”

Poražen se vrati ženi, loše mu se piše,
miran bit će, sasvim tih, brbljat’ neće više!

“Vidio si da sam kadra svašta učiniti,
svakom trendu sposobna sam brzo presuditi!

Usudiš li se još jednom svoj pr’jedlog ponoviti,
familiji tvojoj c’jeloj život ću zagorčati!”

Napomena: Svaka sličnost sa stvarnim likovima i događajima sasvim je slučajna.

[1] Vrsta arapskog jela koje se pravi od riže i leće. (op. prev.)

 

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